These guys just got a serious problem, I think….Meanwhile, just a few hundred nautical miles down from China, who’s just banned all horror movies from their shores except for the millions of pirated copies being sold on the street, the Australians go way too far the other way.

A official of the Australian government recently put on a movie night for some underage sex offenders—some as young as fifteen years old–at a juvenile detention center, naturally at taxpayer expense. Okay, you might think…no real problem there. Maybe they were getting a reward for behaving properly or something. Well, it’s not really a problem until you hear what movie they were watching.

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Popularity: 5% [?]

There’s gonna be another one!  Yaaaay!Apparently, at some point, there was going to be a sequel to The Punisher. Now, I’m not sure why—the first one was so much steaming cow flop—but I guess enough people liked it to make it worthwhile. Interestingly enough, it was slated to have a woman director, which is extremely rare. Women directing action movies have only been seen a handful of times in the last fifteen years.

It’s called Punisher: Warzone, and it looked to be more of the same cordite-laced shoot-em-up action that we’ve come to know and tolerate over the years.

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Popularity: 4% [?]

Posters. They’re everywhere. On our walls, in our theaters, on our billboards, in our Blockbusters. What are they? Where do they come from? No one can be sure, but by studying these strange creatures, we can hope to understand them better. Here are some posters you may soon see in your hometowns and dorm rooms (where, studies show, 80% of all movie posters reside).

(Click any picture for full-size.)

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Popularity: 10% [?]

Every time an action movie is even mildly successful at the box office, someone utters the magic word “spinoff.” Even Die Another Day led to talk of a Jinx movie, which was thankfully shelved (presumably after her agent took another look at Catwoman and realized what a horrible mistake the whole thing would be). But when it comes to X-Men, nobody can quell the popularity of Wolverine.

WolverineHugh Jackman was a minor heartthrob even before his role in X-Men, X2, and X-Men: The Last Stand. But appearing with massive sideburns and retractable metal claws drew in an unprecidented female audience, exposing the Marvel franchise to a whole new group of fans.

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Popularity: 3% [?]

Smeagol want better American distribution deal!  We hates direct to video, my precious…we HATES it!It’s a bit of an ignominious end for Gollum’s next movie, kids—Andy Serkis, perhaps best known for playing scaly, sniveling schizophrenic Smeagol (or Gollum, if you prefer—and sure, it’s probably more of a multiple personality disorder than schizophrenia, but I’m a sucker for alliteration!) will be appearing in the British horror / comedy The Cottage. While the Brits will be giving The Cottage the full treatment of a theatrical release, it’s straight-to-video for Americans waiting for their next shot of Smeagol (see? What’d I tell you about the alliteration?).

My literary proclivities aside, kids, the plot itself sounds like a winner. Serkis and his colleague, played by Reece Shearsmith of League of Gentlemen, kidnaps the ultra-sexy daughter of a gang leader played by Jennifer Ellison. Sensing a big score, Serkis and Shearsmith sidle off to the countryside to hold their hostage, but instead get the tables turned as Ellison takes one of them hostage instead. Things only get worse when the three run afoul of an insane, murderous farmer and thus the great circle of death gets launched.

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Popularity: 3% [?]