Like many horror flicks before it, the upcoming movie The Strangers claims to be “based on true events.” In a way, this has to be accurate. Pretty much anything that can happen has happened already. The Strangers might be based on the Manson killings, but even if it wasn’t, you can be sure that, at some point in history, mysterious masked men have broken into a peaceful isolated cabin and wreaked havoc on the occupants.
It’s entirely possible that something like what happens in the movie will never happen to you. But can you really afford to take that 0.8% risk that it just might? In the spirit of some popular survival handbooks, here are a few tips on how to survive the most common horror movie scenarios. (Remember, we’re not professionals, and are not making any claims that the advice here will save your life in any real-life danger.)
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First off, I get the news that the guy–Earle Hagen–who wrote the 
Sharon Stone! Thank you for being a colossal moron in the face of overwhelming tragedy and giving us all a convenient target for our formless and amorphous rage. In a time when a horrible natural disaster rendered thousands of people dead, injured, homeless, grieving and worse, I’m so happy you could be counted on to get up in front of the world and openly
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