Chances are most of us have a reason to be thankful on Thanksgiving, if for no other reason than this is the day most people actually consciously THINK about being thankful for the things in their lives.
And I’ll freely admit that this is not one of the easiest years to be thankful. With President Bullwinkle (I got that out of a local newspaper and frankly, I love it) still in charge for another six weeks or so, two wars going on at once (thanks to President Bullwinkle), the economy in a slow-death collapse so bad it’s even killing direct to video horror movies for a while (again, thanks to President Bullwinkle), with hurricanes, and terrorists, and job loss, and the bleakest EVER Christmas shopping season before us, it’s not hard to look at the world and let that turkey taste like ashes in your mouth.
And then I opened up a link this morning with celebrities saying what they’re thankful for, and I almost put my head in the oven right alongside the turkey. I suppressed a groan as I went to read it, because celebrities LOVE using soap boxes like this to look like gigantic pricks as they force their political views and suchlike upon us poor humble masses. But what I found was…really…not so bad. Oh, sure…there will be unpleasantness. But I’m here to take it on. Here–take a look.
“I am grateful for so many things in 2008. I feel like there’s a chance of real promise in this country.” — singer Faith Hill.
Correct me if I’m wrong, Faith, but I didn’t exactly see you rushing to help the Dixie Chicks out when they were actually standing UP against President Bullwinkle. So spare me the “hope and change” rhetoric now that he’s on his way out.
“I think we want to be, most of all, thankful for the fans. This year, they’ve been always sticking around for us, always been there for us. The fans are the best. They’ve come to every concert. They’ve slept outside (of) venues. And we can’t thank them enough.” — Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers.
…you miserable little BASTARD. You’ve just taken yourself off ground zero with me because you actually understand it’s your audience that gives you your position. Because of that understanding, one I share with you, you’re now too VALUABLE to attack. But take care, Jonas. Screw your audience over after a pronouncement like that and the gloves will be off. I will lay into you doubly hard here if you do anything to go against that. But for the time being, you get a free pass and due kudos.
“Health. It’s all about health. My health. My loved ones’ health. We’re all here. We’re all OK. As I get older (starts to chuckle) we’re all hanging on! What’s going to happen next year? So far, we made it through another one.” — musician Barry Manilow.
Oh Barry…way to think you’re still relevant. But that’s all right–it’s not your career you’re thankful for.
“I’m thankful that America actually stood up and did something quite extraordinary (with the election). … I’ve been over here for 12 years and I have a green card and I’ve been delaying becoming a citizen because I was really troubled by the politics in this country, and sort of befuddled by it.” — Australian actor Simon Baker, “The Mentalist.”
How fortunate for us that we’ve pleased you with our voting strategy.
“Mostly it’s my family. I think I’ve realized that mostly this year, because there’s been so many crazy ups and downs, and so many different things, and I’ve always had the same family to come home to that will treat me like the same Miley as I was in Nashville. So, cool.” — musician Miley Cyrus.
Yeah, like…um…like…eloquence is not your strong suit, is it, honey? That’s all right–you’re worth three fortunes now. You can afford interpreters that speak ACTUAL English to translate your mutterings into real people language.
“On a personal level, my family’s health. And on a global level, I guess everyone still has hope, and I like that.” — actor John Travolta.
Well, as long as you’re sure, John. Why not send a fruit basket to the family of that guy the Scientologists just shot down like a dog in the street?
“In 2008 my son was born, Zuma Nesta Rock. So, that is clearly the most massive thing for me. … I lucked out because my wife is really good with him. So, right now (wife Gwen Stefani is) doing most of it. So, my life hasn’t changed that much, drastically. But it’s incredible to have another little spirit right there.” — musician Gavin Rossdale.
Clearly you’re not thankful for that big book of baby names you got before you decided to name your kid after a freaking video game. Was Pac-Man taken? Oh wait…it WAS….
“I’m just blessed to have two very lovely children in my life, and health. It’s something people don’t think about a lot. I’m very lucky to be healthy and have healthy kids.” — actress Reese Witherspoon.
Sorry, Reese…lots of mothers and fathers think they’re blessed to have kids. I really can’t believe you think the opposite is true. If it weren’t, a whole lot MORE parents would’ve taken advantage of that whole “safe haven” deal over in Nebraska. I KNOW you’re wrong there but I won’t lay into you too hard. You could, after all, be right about the “not think about it” part. Most parents are too busy with things like MAKING A LIVING (something I don’t expect overpaid actresses to think about much) to count their blessings every second.
“I’m most thankful that our country reminded everybody that we are a part of the world, and we’re capable of incredible greatness in this country.” — actress Mary Steenburgen.
See Faith Hill, Steenburgen. Where was your change and greatness when it COUNTED?
“I’m grateful for all the times I laughed this year. That sounds crazy, but as you get older, you really take a moment and go, ‘I laughed there, I had a sweet moment there. I took my kid to (hamburger restaurant) In-N-Out.’ You know, I’ve to say, that’s it for me pretty much at this point in my life: Just take those moments.” — actress Rene Russo.
I’ll buy that.
As we all well know…even Rene Russo knows…it’s all about the LULZ!
Popularity: 7% [?]
