You know, just the other day, I was out at a Cece’s Pizza (motto: Dude, why are you eating at a Cece’s Pizza anyway? This place is for eight year olds–unless you’re just really cheap.) (submotto: Yes of COURSE i’m cheap. I’m a professional blogger, dumbass.) when I caught a bit of televised local news about the current medal count in the Olympics. At the time, China managed to somehow get more than double the number of gold medals of its closest competitor, and was actually looking to outscore the next three countries COMBINED.
Now, considering that China is the host country of the Olympics, someone by now is crying that the fix is in. But interestingly enough, the Chinese government has actually already ADMITTED to cheating its proverbial heinie off before they even set foot on the field.
China has justified its decision to include computer-generated scenes of fireworks “footprints” and use a nine-year-old girl to lip-sync a recording by a seven-year-old during Friday’s opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. The actual fireworks display, it said, could not have been presented live because haze over Beijing would have obscured the spectacle (the virtual fireworks were reportedly made to look more realistic by adding “camera shake”). Reports also indicated that 15 minutes before the ceremonies were to begin, 7-year-old Yang Peiji was replaced on stage by 9-year-old Lin Miaoke, who then lip-synced Yang’s recording of “I Sing for My Country” as China’s flag enter the stadium. In an interview with Beijing Radio, Chen Qigang, the ceremonies’ musical director, said that the switch was made “for the nation’s interest. The child on camera should be flawless in image, internal feelings, and expression.” But UC Berkeley Professor Xiao Qiang told Bloomberg News today (Wednesday), “People feel like they eat a great meal and later on you tell them there was a fly in it.”
See, yeah… we know the Chinese went just all out to put their best foot forward, but when you’ve got to resort to lip synching and camera tricks to make things look better before you even start competing, it really gives a black eye to the whole concept of the Olympics.
The fireworks are one thing–you could’ve just shot them off over the South China Sea or even just out in a rural location where the smog isn’t so prevalent. Adding digital fixes later is just poor form. But the whole business with the singing children is just kind of crazy. Basically, they replaced the children because the seven year old was insufficiently pretty to bring off the part, but apparently, the pretty child couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket so they had to use the recording from the talented ugly little girl in order to build a kind of special hybrid child.
Eventually, China will start doing this full time. The whole idea of “eugenics” had to be invented with China in mind, and hopefully, some enterprising soul will create a horror movie around this where the Chinese invent the most beautiful talented little girl on earth and eventually she destroys China by hacking her way into orbital defense satellites and turning the whole place into a glowing slag heap. Picture a combination of Once Upon A Time In China combined with V for Vendetta and a little bit of Dr. Strangelove and you’ve got the general idea.
And until someone steals my idea and puts it into production, enjoy the rest of the reality tv trivia on Kwanzoo.
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