It’s a bit of an ignominious end for Gollum’s next movie, kids—Andy Serkis, perhaps best known for playing scaly, sniveling schizophrenic Smeagol (or Gollum, if you prefer—and sure, it’s probably more of a multiple personality disorder than schizophrenia, but I’m a sucker for alliteration!) will be appearing in the British horror / comedy The Cottage. While the Brits will be giving The Cottage the full treatment of a theatrical release, it’s straight-to-video for Americans waiting for their next shot of Smeagol (see? What’d I tell you about the alliteration?).

My literary proclivities aside, kids, the plot itself sounds like a winner. Serkis and his colleague, played by Reece Shearsmith of League of Gentlemen, kidnaps the ultra-sexy daughter of a gang leader played by Jennifer Ellison. Sensing a big score, Serkis and Shearsmith sidle off to the countryside to hold their hostage, but instead get the tables turned as Ellison takes one of them hostage instead. Things only get worse when the three run afoul of an insane, murderous farmer and thus the great circle of death gets launched.

See what I mean? Killer stuff. And if you want some killer stuff of your own, then spend some time with Smeagol in the Lord of the Rings trivia on Kwanzoo.

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