There are times in this business when even I can’t make head nor tail out of what’s going on.

There are times when what Hollywood decides to do next resembles some kind of master plan straight out of its own work.  Some days, it’s enough to make you wonder if the inmates truly ARE running the asylum.

And today, I just managed to find evidence that says I either need to start drinking a whole lot more or stop entirely.  So I’m gonna need you guys to follow this link right here and tell me, please, for the love of God, am I really seeing this news about the Jonas Brothers?

Are they really about to film a movie called WALTER THE FARTING DOG???

…I’m really starting to believe it’s true.  A Google search for same turns up over fifty thousand results.  Now, one or two, that could be a hoax.  FIFTY could be a hoax.  But fifty thousand…it really must be happening.  They’re actually making a movie about a children’s book (oh why am I not surprised?  First Captain Underpants, now this.  What’s next, Things That Look Like Poop?) about an unusually fat dog with unusually pronounced flatulence.

Look, I understand the siren call of fat cash involved with family movies as innumerable six year olds demand in shrill and unceasing voices to go see Walter The Farting Dog, but for the love of DECENCY, why did you DO THIS??

And then I get kinda quiet for a minute because every time I ask that question I end up discovering that I’ve already answered it.  Some studio’s about to put parents everywhere on a rocket sled to hell because they can make some fat sacks of cash on a truly godawful movie about a dog that won’t stop farting.  Two to one odds say it won’t be screened for critics, although, at this point, why bother hiding it?

It’s not like everyone doesn’t KNOW what they’re in for buying a ticket and it’s not that it’s going to stop anyone.  Like any six year old’s going to read Roger Ebert’s column in the Chicago Sun Times telling everyone who’ll still listen to the unethical putz that it’s the most lowbrow form of comedy ever unleashed upon man and say, whoa, damn, maybe he’s right. Maybe I should just stay home and read a book instead, oh WAIT!  It already IS A BOOK!!

Needless to say, I weep for us all.

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