So apparently Mr. This! Is! Spartaaaaa! managed to get himself into a fight with paparazzi last month, and despite the fact that he put said paparazzo in the hospital, the law is apparently willing to bend for Gerard Butler, and offer him an out.

He’s been ordered to attend an “informal hearing” at the city attorney’s office in Los Angeles, with the intent of “resolving the issue without a messy court case”.

I’m all for plea bargaining–it speeds up the courts and allows everyone access to a speedy trial as provided for by law, but I’m just plain old offended by this.  One, how exactly do you “resolve the issue”?  Butler put a guy in the hospital.  There’s not even an “allegedly” involved here–it’s a point of public record at this point.  It sure wasn’t for self-defense, either–once again the paparazzo in question had nothing but a camera.  So now Butler’s going to get a special out from the law to get out of criminal charges.

Let’s not forget–HE PUT A GUY IN THE HOSPITAL.

If any of us mere mortals did that, we wouldn’t be getting any “informal hearings” at the city prosecutor’s office.  No, we’d be getting introduced to Big Lupe, a four hundred pound Filipino who thinks we have a “real purdy mouth”.  So why is Butler getting clearly preferential treatment?

And why am I actually thinking this is a good idea?

See, there’s one other way that “issues” can be “resolved”,  “without a messy court case”.  Namely, through the payment of DAMAGES.  If Butler’s on his way to get fleeced to the tune of several million to keep himself out of county lockup–not to mention keeping the Persians out of the goat path, if I may use an extremely clever bon mot–I find myself somewhat in favor of this.

If we can make paparazzi pummeling highly unprofitable for celebrities, well, maybe they’ll think twice before they slug one.  Say what you will–and the last time I said this I got in a very civil go-round with a fella named Frank–but the paparazzi are still the press, and have the same rights as any other journalist, regardless of their beat.  If we start putting limits on celebrity photographers, how long unto those same limits being placed on, say, the White House press corps?  You don’t think Bush would’ve loved to slug a paparazzi hounding him about his gross mismanagement of the United States for the last seven years?  Best believe he would.

So I look forward very eagerly to hearing how this comes out…and how much cashola Butler will have to fork over to stay out of jail.  Special note to the paparazzi–soak him, man.;  Soak him like a water slide.  This is no less than the freedom of the press being defended here, and you’ve got to stand up for all of us.

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