You don’t need to be a horror fan to realize that movies like Poltergeist, Dawn of the Dead, Psycho, and Halloween are classics of their genre. Nobody in their right mind would think of remaking a classic drama like Casablanca, but classic horror seems to be up for grabs.
Poltergeist, Dawn of the Dead, Psycho, and Halloween: they’re not just four horror classics, they’re also fair game for remakes. Three of them already have been, and one’s about to. Haven’t heard of the Poltergeist redo? Well, you will soon. Director Vadim Perelman, who helmed the critically acclaimed House of Sand and Fog, is in “heavy talks” to direct.
It seems like an odd choice. Maybe they decided that Poltergeist‘s missing element was just a touch of class, a little bit of that Oscar-caliber sensibility. I’m kidding, of course, but could that be the angle they’re actually going for?
Those who remake classics of any genre never do so lightly; they always think they are adding something that desperately needs to be added. But really, how deluded are they? Let’s review some of the great horror remakes. I’ll skip over Dawn of the Dead, which isn’t technically a remake anyway, which leaves us with -
Halloween. Rob Zombie’s take on the John Carpenter masterpiece was an attempt to add substance to the supernatural tale; by giving Michael Myers a background, motivations, family life, and really long hair, he hoped to make the monster more interesting. Unfortunately, a killer who comes from a screwed-up white trash family is not “interesting.” Zombie’s Michael Myers is about 30% of any state’s prison population. Rather than being a masked menace who came from nowhere and represents the terrifying Boogeyman, he’s just a disturbed kid. Fail, Mr. Zombie.
Psycho. It was incredibly edgy and violent for its time; unfortunately, we really can’t duplicate that kind of effect in today’s anything-goes world. A shot-by-shot, word for word remake was probably the worst possible thing that Gus Van Sant could have done. Now, Vince Vaughn plays a really great psychopath – see the vastly more enjoyable Clay Pigeons for more of that – but he can’t save this. It should never have existed in the first place.
What do they really believe they’re going to add to a movie like Poltergeist? Will it be scarier, bloodier, edgier, sexier? Whatever it is, the end result will not be Poltergeist and will not be worth watching. Mark my words on this one.
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