The world’s been looking a little darker lately. A little colder. A little…emptier? Yes…emptier. And not just because it’s winter, either, though January definitely has a lot to do with the darker and colder parts. But there’s something much, much worse out there…the resurgence of a great and foul personage in the universe. That’s right, I’m talking about none other than number two on my short list, Herr Doktor Uwe Boll.

After a blessedly long interval in which nothing emerged from the foul, yawning cesspit that is Herr Doktor Uwe Boll’s career, at least two movies are slated to come out from him in 2008. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is coming out entirely too soon for anyone’s good, and will serve to reinforce the concept that January is dumping ground month. We should just call it Bolluary and be done with it. But later…later is a different matter – a matter that may even prove to be the Broken Clock moment of Uwe Boll’s career.

That matter, of course, is Postal. Some of you are doubtlessly shuddering right now at the thought, but I confess to having somewhat piqued interest. From what I’ve heard so far, Postal promises to be a spectacle unlike any other. In case you doubt my appraisal, consider the plot elements that include Verne Troyer (mini-me of Austin Powers fame) being…er…assaulted by ten thousand monkeys. And yes, I’ve cleaned that up considerably for a family audience.

Now you understand the spectacle.

And to find out about earlier works from Herr Doktor Uwe Boll like House of the Dead, play the relevant trivia on Kwanzoo. Don’t worry – the trivia is much more pleasant than sitting through the movie itself.

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