If you’ll excuse me, I need to rant for a little bit.

So, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had a baby. I’d forgotten they were married, probably because Ashlee Simpson looks like she’s about 13. For that matter, so does Pete Wentz. It turns out they’re both older than I am, but given that she obviously still shops in the Juniors section, I think she deserves to be treated like a teenager. If only there was some way to determine a person’s “Emotional Age” definitively enough to use it for driver’s licenses and such. Not that it would prevent Ashlee and Pete from having kids, I’m just saying it would be good for society.

What might have a more direct effect on this case is not allowing people – especially celebrities – to give their kids stupid names. Lest you imagine that my title is a joke, sadly, it’s not. Bronx Mowgli Wentz. For real. BMW.

I know there are a lot of different ways to look at this. Obviously, names that are “normal” now used to be weird. Some brave pioneers had to force their kids to suffer mockery at school for a decade or so, just so that a new generation of little tykes could safely have names like Madison or Anfernee. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to call your kid Bronx Mowgli.

Apparently, this pregnancy was announced a few weeks after the couple’s “opulent Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland-themed wedding.” I am not going to make fun of this because hey, if you want to have an Alice wedding that’s your prerogative. It doesn’t mean you’re immature. I’ve heard tell of many theme weddings, based on movies, comic books, what have you – and they can still be awesome and classy. Especially if you have millions of dollars to throw at it.

But this threw me off a little. According to Ashlee’s dad Joe:

“The day she found out she was pregnant, she became a woman.”

It’s my opinion that you should go ahead and get the business of becoming a woman overwith long before getting pregnant, but hey. Who am I to judge.

Poor Bronx.

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