An Open Letter to an Upcoming Film
Oh, Street Kings. You’ve been through more identity changes than any movie should, what with shifting hands from Spike Lee to Oliver Stone to David Ayer. You’ve even got a new name - The Night Watchman was deemed too similar to Zack Snyder’s Watchmen, and so now you are Street Kings. You poor thing.
It’s got to be confusing enough, given the cast that you’re stuck with. Keanu Reeves? Haven’t people learned by now not to cast him in movies? Ever? If he’d only go back to managing that pasta shop, I don’t think any of us would miss him. Forest Whitaker is always a good choice, of course, as well as the talented and versatile Hugh Laurie who became known to American audiences as the bitter and brilliant Dr. House.
How about Naomie Harris, best known for playing the mysterious Tia Dalma in the Pirates of the Caribbean films? She’s certainly capable enough, but she might not be as impressive in a more “normal” role. And…Cedric the Entertainer? I’m just not sure what to think of that.
You’re all about a cop who is falsely accused of murder. No offense, but that is the oldest plot in the entire world. If Hollywood’s portrayals are even close to accurate, we should be more afraid of the corrupt police force than the mafia, Bigfoot, and global warming combined. It’s unfortunate that tinfoil-hat-wearing conspiracy theorists never make it to the movies, because they’d probably have a ball.
Then again, you could turn out to be a surprise hit. Your impressive cast makes me think that a few people saw something great in your script, so I’ve got to give you a chance. You can do it, little movie. I know you can.
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“Haven’t people learned by now not to cast him in movies? Ever? If he’d only go back to managing that pasta shop, I don’t think any of us would miss him.”
Kindly speak for yourself, douche.
Seeing as it’s my article, that’s exactly what I was doing.
Hence why “any of us” should not have been used.
While I’m sorry to have offended you, I think it’s pretty clear that I’m being satirical and not pretending to literally speak for “any of us” (especially because I qualified it with “I think”). Name-calling is not necessary, and I’m as entitled to my opinion as you are.