3-D IS A POINTLESS GIMMICK DESIGNED TO DISTRACT YOU FROM THE FACT THAT HOLLYWOOD HAS NO GOOD IDEAS ANY MORE AND THEY’RE JUST COASTING TO DIVORCE YOU FROM YOUR MONEY.

How many times do I have to say it?  Seriously.  The people who aren’t looking at me like I’m a lunatic every time I talk just plain old don’t know I exist.  But my punditry score just went through the bloody damn roof today because what I’ve been saying for the last several months–that big huge bolded thing at the top of the page–has just got a serious echo in.

Roger Ebert just said the exact same thing.

Thank you, Roger, for lending me an extra note of credibility by echoing my very same sentiments months after I began espousing them.  Although if your comments section is to be believed you’ve been saying this for years too, so, wow.  That’s some spectactular coincidence going on there.

The point being, of course, that we’re pretty much sympatico on this issue–the use of 3-D so far, especially where it’s been used extensively, is shoddy at best, and a joke at worst.  I have horrible memories of trying to watch 3-D movies; I wear glasses, you see, and thus when they hand you those ridiculous paper glasses which fit neatly over your face unadorned but only partially over the frames of my eyeglass lenses, I’m stuck watching this 3-D extravaganza in some kind of weird fly’s-eye vision, where half the shot is in 3-D and the rest of it, the frame peeking around the paper glasses, as some kind of red / blue mishmash of images.  It didn’t work out real well then, and frankly, I don’t see it getting much better.

I once heard someone opine that, eventually, we would all have our OWN 3-D glasses and we would bring them with us to the theatre to watch EVERY movie and I hope that said pundit has received at some point a swift kick in the balls, or at least the ovaries should said pundit have been female.  I can’t imagine a more thoroughly idiotic idea than TAKING 3-D GLASSES WITH YOU to see movies.  Some movies really don’t need to be shown in 3-D–I can’t imagine seeing every Adam Sandler trashheap in 3-D.

That and, frankly, the thought of Rob Schneider shrieking “U CAN DOO EET!” at me, in full 3-D, reduces me to a state of pants-wetting terror.

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