You don’t very often hear a report praising a celebrity’s skill and diligence in parenting.  Even if there were very many of them, you probably still wouldn’t hear about them because they’re nowhere NEAR as entertaining as what I’m about to tell you next!

You know how Angelina Jolie has a seven year old son named Maddox?

She’s already made him an unusual purchase.

Knives.

“My mom took me to buy my first daggers when I was 11 or 12,” Jolie says in the new issue of W magazine. “And I’ve already bought Maddox some.”

I offer that up by way of proof that I’m not trying to commit, you know, libel or something.  She’s clearly bought her seven year old son a set of daggers.  The obvious question becomes, why?  Why does a seven year old need daggers?  Are you training him to repulse pirates?  Worried about pedophiles?  Hoping he’ll grow up to be a serial killer or maybe a cutter like you…used to be?

Of course, it’s entirely possible that she’s lying through her teeth when she says she gave up cutting when she became a mother.  I certainly can’t prove it either way, nor do I particularly care.  The issue at hand is why you thought it necessary, right and prudent to hand over a set of daggers to a seven year old.  What will you do when he turns eight, graduate him to short swords?  Does he get polearms when he’s tall enough, or will you be graduating him to guns when he’s thirteen?

For crying out loud, Angie, do you think you’re Linda Hamilton?  Do you think you’re raising JOHN CONNOR??

Either way, it’s still pretty scary.  And it’s definitely more entertaining when celebrities do stupid things in the process of raising children.

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