So says the “TV watchdog group” that calls itself the Parents Television Council. (In the article, they are helpfully identified as “conservative.” Here I was all geared up to call them a bunch of dirty hippies.)

This is not a new argument. I remember thumbing through Hollywood vs. America some years ago, and Michael Medved basically made the same case. There weren’t enough “positive” depictions of marriage and traditional family structures on T.V. It was setting a bad example for the kids (oh no, not the kids!).

Now, I don’t watch a lot of T.V., but maybe I can draw on my experience to figure out what they’re talking about. Let’s examine some of my favorite shows to find the INSIDIOUS ANTI-MARRIAGE ELEMENT hidden within.

That ’70s Show - Happily married parents who go through the occasional rocky patch, but are obviously happy and still in love after many years. Hmm. Nothing there. Ah, but the kids did try getting married a few times, and it never really went through right. Still, is that more about marriage, or more about the foibles of youth?

Dexter - Jackpot! The only two marriages that have ever been discussed on the show ended badly. Angel got a divorce, and Rita did too - her husband was an abusive heroin addict. Maybe these parents are on to something after all!

Family Guy - Peter and Lois’ relationship is pretty much always depicted in a positive light. On the other hand, there was an episode that condoned gay marriage. And if I’ve learned anything from the Westboro Baptist Church, “the gays” are the biggest threat to marriage there is! Next to network T.V., of course.

I’m beginning to see the light. Because, you know, it can’t possibly be that T.V. shows refer to illicit affairs more often than married sex because it’s more compelling and has better plot potential. It can’t be that T.V. is not actually intended to be a reflection of reality. That’s just downright impossible.

Here’s a thought to ponder for the PTC: your kids aren’t going to learn from the television set, they’re going to learn from you. Focus on setting a positive example for them; they’ll grow up to have the kind of relationship that you do. And let the rest of us have our dirty sexy fun.

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