At the D.I.C.E summit, a convention attended by media innovators of all kind, a marketing specialist named Keith Boesky just happened to casually mention that there might be a Juno video game coming out soon. For the “casual market” (no kidding).

I’m sorry, what? I know they’ve been making some pretty ridiculous games these days, but Juno? I’m trying to imagine what sorts of adventures Juno: The Video Game might offer. Maybe it’s just Juno playing Sudoku or something.

Just in case these same innovators might want to try re-branding a few movies as games, I have some ideas for them. You can thank me later.

Amélie

Naturally, the first level would involve Amélie snapping pictures of unrealistic clouds as fast as possible. This may not sound very exciting, until you realize that Nintendo based an entire game on this concept. Ensuing levels would involve stealing the gnome without setting off any loud noises, and a Sims-style level where you attempt to make a café worker and a patron fall in love. The final boss battle is against your own inner demons, and the prize, of course, is a date with Nino.

Forrest Gump

This is a game that could make excellent use of upcoming Wii Balance Board, as most of the levels would involve running. There’s a war level, of course, which could basically be a humorous version of Medal of Honor. All final “battles” would involve you choosing from five or six inappropriate phrases to say to various important people you’re trying to impress.

American Beauty

Hey, if Grand Theft Auto can make it, why not a game about Kevin Spacey trying to snag an underage girl? Actually, the more I think about it, the more nauseated I become. I think I’ve carried this whole joke far enough.

What do you think? They sound like bestsellers to me. I’m submitting proposals to some studios right now.

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Categories: Movie stories //