Crackdown is the game Grand Theft Auto wishes it could be. Sure, it doesn’t have witty dialog or a gaggle of prostitutes running down the street, but it does have jumping. Lots and lots of jumping. When it was released last February, Johnny Frowns predicted people were only buying it because a beta for Halo 3 was slapped on the disc. One year later, my heart still plunges into my stomach with every death-defying leap while the complete version of Halo 3 stays nestled between my other unloved games.

Being a super hero is hard work. You’re not just born with the ability to jump clear over 20 foot high rises. That would just be too unrealistic. You have to earn that kind of power. In Crackdown, every time you throw a person off a building you get a little bit stronger, every pedestrian you run over beefs up your driving prowess a little bit, and every bullet that gets lodged in the middle of some nameless henchman brings you one step closer to the nightmarish killing machine you’ve always wanted to be.

All that wanton killing is fun - don’t get me wrong - but it’s the jumping that brings me back to Crackdown. Platformers are dead, right? But stick a pogo in a real city and watch people swoon over his graceful leaps. With no unnecessary story halting your progress every ten minutes, Crackdown turns into the virtual reenactment of every boy’s fantasy. It’s the game where picking up a car and running down the street holding it over your head is a better strategy than siting down behind the wheel. How anyone could not love the bubbling mirth of Crackdown is beyond me. It’s pure digital candy.

Leap into some Crackdown trivia right here at Kwanzoo.

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