This is one of those pictures that needs no introduction.

(Yes, that is Michael Phelps in the hat.)

Last week, at the Village Idiot Pizza & Pub in Columbia, South Carolina, this prank was expertly pulled. I don’t know any of the backstory, but I assume Phelps was in on it. Either way, though, I think that clever man with the bucket of water may have stumbled on an entirely new use for celebrities.

In these difficult times, it’s important that we seek to get more bang for our collective buck. Everything must have multiple uses. We no longer buy ingredients for just one meal, or take a trip into town just for one thing.

And given all the time and money we pour into keeping celebrities famous - movie tickets, DVDs, cable subscriptions, merchandise - we deserve to get a little more than prefabricated entertainment. We deserve something a little more personal.

So if you run into a celebrity, see if you can get something a little more than an autograph. See if you can get them to help humiliate one of your friends.

I wouldn’t recommend doing this to a girlfriend, or to someone who tends to be sensitive about this sort of thing. You’re in the clear if the person has ever pranked you, of course - that’s just the way things work.

Just think of the amazing potential here. Oprah could help you slide a whoopie cushion under someone’s seat by telling them about her next Favorite Thing. Ashton Kutcher - because you know he’s into that sort of thing - could distract your buddy with tales of Demi Moore’s private life while you drive off in his car. (Your buddy’s not Ashton’s, unless you want to pull a daring Double Prank.) Sean Connery could regale your friend with tales of Scotland whilst you sneak into her apartment and cover the toilet with plastic wrap.

The potential for improving crude pranks with celebrities is almost endless - assuming, of course, you can find a celebrity to help you. Honestly, I’m not sure Oprah would be interested.

DISCLAIMER: Please don’t actually do any of these things. Pranks are stupid and celebrity pranks are even stupider.

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