It wasn’t so very long ago that me and a dear friend were talking back and forth over the subject of Frankie Muniz. You know, the poor little schmuck who played brainy socially inept jerk Malcolm for seven seasons of Malcolm in the Middle and then went on to conquer Hollywood by playing the exact same character over and over again in a half a dozen movies, give or take? Well, you may not be too conversant, but Heroes heroine Hayden Panettiere spent a little time with Frankie on Malcolm, but Hayden’s got something of a different problem.

Be! Typecasted! Be-E-Typecasted!

That’s right, kiddies…old Hayden’s got another movie coming out, and it will be absolutely no surprise to anyone with more than three functioning brain cells knocking around the old skulldome that she’s playing, once again, a cheerleader.

This makes what, Hayden, four consecutive cheerleader roles for you? Wow…you must be feeling pretty good right now knowing that your primary movie and TV show function is to be the hot chick in the cheerleader outfit.

Feel That Self-Esteem Surging Forward!

Hayden, please, explain to me–what are you gonna do when you hit, oh, thirty-five and your slipping on the skirt and pom-poms just starts looking pathetic? I can’t believe I’m actually recommending this, but you need to go get yourself FX or a DVD box set and watch what you used to be. You used to act, kind of—surely you can do it again.

My prescription: a season of Ugly Betty or a slasher flick where you keep your clothes on and handle the knife would do you a world of good.

Meanwhile, there’s plenty of Heroes trivia waiting for you on Kwanzoo, Hayden or no.

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Categories: Movie stories //