So they started talking to Michael Bay about the upcoming Friday the 13th remake–scheduled to hit us where we live February 2009, naturally on Friday the 13th–and the man is bound and determined to drive us all insane.  Why?  Because he’s interviewing in an horrendously contradictory fashion and I really want to SMACK him one.

Here’s the down side–I’ve always believed in giving bad news first so you can cut it later with good news.  And that’s the second chunk of good news–there will indeed be good news.  But we start with the bad, and man, is the bad a doozy:

I listened to the fans, you know, but you still have to make your own movie by respecting what was done and trying to give it a whole new twist.You’re just not going to believe the first 12 minutes! It’s a twist in itself.

Yeah.  Basically, this reads:  I talked to a couple “fans” about this but they’re all such drooling morons that they have no idea what a real visionary masterpiece-maker like myself can conceive of so I’ve hijacked the process to make my own lump of steaming crap out of the movie you grew up scared of.  Bad sign.  Bad, bad sign all the way around.

But then, Bay proceeds to redeem himself–and here’s that good news I told you was coming–by saying the following:

“What is F13 without sex, drugs and really, really long sharp machete? And why would we, horror fans ourselves, produce a movie devoid of the things that made the title so appealing in the first place. So let me say for the record, that the F13 that we start shooting this Thursday is a full bodied, rated R film. It has insane kills that will be shown in all their glory- it has a group of college students who drink and even have sex. We are betting that if we don’t hold back that the audience will reward us for being bold in a time when some horror movies are playng the ratings game. So we embrace the R rating Friday the 13th will have, and hope you will too.”

There you go.  Basically, this reads: Huge chunks of the movie will remain preserved and intact.

But the question remains:  which Michael Bay will win out in the production–Michael Bay the horror fan and respecter of the original ways or CINEMATIC FUEHRER MICHAEL BAY, the hem of whose garment YOU, miserable drooling fanboy moron, are not fit to touch!  Be grateful his magnificence allows you to BUY A TICKET, you pathetic drone!–and what will he leave behind?

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