Let’s get one thing straight first off, o my readership–just so you know going in, I HATE the Sci-Fi Channel. I hate it with a vengeance. I resent its very existence and believe that only serious and dramatic intervention from common sense or quality can elevate this network out of the dung heap in which it has found itself.

I hate that they’re pretty much the only game in town when it comes to getting horror films on television. Leave aside that ridiculous new “Chiller” network for a moment or those HD choices on the various dishes you can only get if you shell out preposterous sums for a new TV.

Further leave aside the sheer halfassery that is Fearnet. Don’t even get me started on the sheer halfassery that is Fearnet.

No, the Sci-Fi Channel is the only place, pretty much, to reliably find horror flicks. Even badly mangled edited for TV versions that the freaking FCC mandates…but anyway. Coming sooner than anyone wants to video via Lions Gate is the “Sci-Fi Channel Original Picture” Bone Eater. When Sci-Fi makes a movie and puts it on their channel, that’s what they call it, an original picture. Frankly, I haven’t seen a truly original picture from these ham-fisted lackwits yet, but rather a series of pre-edited knockoffs of movies that were already popular long, LONG, before the Sci-Fi channel remade “original pictures” out of them.

Check out the synopsis for “Bone Eater” and see if you don’t recognize a big chunk of it:

A trio of construction workers break ground on what is said to be Indian holy ground. They discover an ancient artifact and remove it from the earth, unleashing an evil spirit known as the Bone Eater. With every victim, the Bone Eater grows more powerful. The local Sheriff and his daughter seek the help of a wise Indian girl to uncover the secret before it’s too late!

Wow. That’s like half the plot of “The Amityville Horror” and “Poltergeist” with some big stupid monster in CG tacked on. Real “original,” Sci Fi.

If you’re looking forward to seeing–again; you might well have already seen it on TV back in February or March–Bone Eater, you’ll get your chance July 8th. And until then, there’s plenty of good horror movie trivia on Kwanzoo.

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