As a member of the vast horrible left-wing conspiracy that is the media, I love it–LOVE it!–when CLUELESS IDIOT CELEBRITIES like Charlize Theron hand me stories. Check out her anti-media rant from my co-conspirators at WENN:

Oscar winner Charlize Theron has blasted celebrities who constantly court media attention - branding their attitude “ugly”. The actress is sick of fame-obsessed stars, insisting she finds it “sad” to see people strive to be paparazzi fodder.

She tells Britain’s Gq magazine, “It comes across as this really sad need for approval. I’ve heard people make comments like, ‘You don’t really want to be in the tabloids but you need to be for your career’. They believe it’s actually important. It’s not. It’s ugly.

She adds, “People say, ‘That’s your job (providing stories for celebrity publications).’ It really isn’t, actually. It’s not my job to go out there and make an ass out of myself.

She growls, “Like, your life belongs to us now? That’s the deal? I didn’t get that memo. It wasn’t sent to me and I didn’t sign it. So, f**k you.”

Thanks, guys! See you at the annual picnic!

Okay, where to begin? Oh, let’s have the most fun right up front. Honey, there’s no contract here. You don’t have to sign anything for us to do this. See, we have this wonderful little thing–it’s the same thing that allows you to make movies and TV shows–called the FIRST AMENDMENT. We can talk about you! Any time we want! And generally we can say what we like, too, within certain limits. For instance, we can cheerfully say that we find you to be a raging clueless idiot hypocrite with absolutely no fear of reprisal because 1. that’s what we think of you, you moron and 2. we have some evidence.

So f**k us, Miz Theron? No no, f**k YOU. Your life DOES belong to the media now, because as long as you keep wandering into our sights and dropping anti-media screeds, we’ll be only too happy to point out the raging hypocrisy involved in your rushing to place said anti-media screeds INTO THE MEDIA. There’s that evidence I was talking about.

You ARE aware that Britain’s Gq magazine is part of the media, right?

Thanks for the quotes, fellas! Much love to the wives and kids! And husbands where applicable!

Oh Miz Theron…honestly now. You don’t seriously think you’d have a career without the media, do you? You don’t seriously think people would come see your movies if they weren’t advertised and promoted, do you? You can’t be so seriously brain-damaged as to believe that the shining force of your name and talent will bring people together from all across the world just to watch you read THE SCRIPT FOR THE ITALIAN JOB, DO YOU??

Wow. Maybe you do. And if you do, Miz Theron, I suggest immediate psychological counseling because you’ve got some kind of serious-ass mental damage. Possibly involving narcissism.

I would point out that Kwanzoo has trivia available on Miz Theron’s earlier roles on Arrested Development…but she’d probably not welcome the help from THE MEDIA.

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