Oh, this is just the news we needed to hear—apparently, Eli Roth has had enough of failing at making adult-focused horror films (even Cabin Fever got hijacked from him, that’s how bad it got), so now, he’s got a promise for us.

He’s going to start failing at making PG-13 horror films!

I seriously couldn’t believe this when I read it.  The man has made a career around the  most useless splatter film that a gorehound can stomach.  Look at his “biggest” titles, the Hostel franchise.  Hosts of knockoffs, but the movies barely made their investment capital back.

And now, now that almost no one but the most diehard even cares his career exists any more, he’s going to go after the children?  To borrow from the truly tired Simpsons line: won’t somebody please think of the children and kill this man’s career before it can continue to breed and infest our theatres?

Honestly, it’s not like he’s got a whole lot to point to in terms of solid scriptwriting and genuine scares.  He’s a one-note-joke from a long way back, and by cutting himself off from the gore-for-gore’s-sake school of filmmaking that he basically helped found, he’s doing nothing more than cutting his own throat. 

Off camera, of course. We’re going for the PG-13 rating, you know. 

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