Momma always told me that one day my sinful ways were going to catch up with me, and today is that day.

You see, whilst trolling the news sites, looking for idiot celebrities to heckle or movie news to moan over, I discovered this.

Chances are right now you’re having the same reactions that I did. Just to help talk you down: no, you are not hallucinating. No, you have not gone insane. Yes, this is a sign of the apocalypse. Yes, we deserve this.

Yes, you have just read an article on Reuters detailing the upcoming release of the Smurfs movie.

Apparently, the Smurfs have been around for the last fifty years now, an ungodly long time by anyone’s standards, and so they’re being…duly…feted with another feature film. Few people remember that there was a Smurfs movie once already. It even had a theatrical release, and when I was like four or six or so, it was pretty good. Of course, when I was like four or six, many things that should never have counted as good were good. Including Chuck E. Cheese pizza. But I digress.

No time frame exists–they haven’t even found the voice cast or a director–but a screenplay is apparently in the works, and Columbia spokesfolk are slavering with feigned joy at the mere thought of releasing it, stating: “We are committed to it and hope to get moving on it as quickly as we can.”

And just to keep you vaguely interested in this train wreck to come, and keep you from getting that damned la la la lalalaaaa song out of your head, try the animation movie trivia on Kwanzoo.

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