Posted on April 12th, 2008 by Steve Anderson
Now, longtime readers and archive hoppers will likely be aware that I don’t think much of Herr Doktor Uwe Boll and his so-called body of work, which is why he’s currently number three on my list of Crimes Against Film Audiences. His smirking egomania and absolutely delusional refusal to acknowledge his own mammoth failures, not to mention a conflict-resolution strategy worthy of a six-year-old (Mommy, I didn’t like what those critics said about my movies so I’m gonna beat ‘em up!) puts him very nicely onto this list.
Enter a strange new development–one of those online petitions you see every so often, like the kind used to give Farscape a very temporary new lease on life, asking Herr Doktor to step down from the director’s chair and take up a new line of work better suited to his unique skills, say, serving fries at Burger King. Or perhaps grave robbery. While these aren’t specifically mentioned on the petition, the gist remains–Uwe Boll, out of our theatres! And for good, too!
The petition is, at press time, just south of two hundred thousand signatures strong, and Herr Doktor is on record saying that if the petition can garner one million signatures, he’ll take it literally, and not make any more movies.
Of course, it didn’t take Herr Doktor long to waffle harder than a house of pancakes on his promises. On G4’s three or four times a day run of Attack of the Show, Herr Doktor scoffed at the petition, claiming it has far fewer ACTUAL signatories than the number presented, and that many signatures are in fact duplicates. At this rate, by the time the petition does reach one million signatures (probably before the first of May!), Herr Doktor will claim that only about twenty or so truly die-hard nerds actually signed said petition and the status quo will carry on.
Ah well…a fella can dream, can’t he?
If you’d like to join the fight to get this idiot and his horrible, horrible movies out of our theatres and off our video store shelves, just click anywhere on this article to sign the petition yourself. Maybe we can at least shame him into keeping his word–stranger things have happened.
Just not very often.
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That is the longest link ever.
I wanted to make it as easy as possible for people to find their way to sign the petition and end the horror that is Uwe Boll. I think it may work.
BUT I CAN’T CLICK BETWEEN THE PARAGRAPHS, STEVE. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I saw this a while ago and wanted to write an article about it, but I figured I’d better step aside since you are the resident Uwe Boll expert.
Could’ve put in a line of dashes between each paragraph, I suppose, but that seemed to be going too far. But thanks for the nod to the expertise–you’re welcome to the next article when he admits his failings and bows to the will of the millon signatories. Then you can do one about how Satan feels about having Hell suddenly turn into an ice rink.
Yeah, but we can dream, right?
I wasn’t even going to bother with the petition, specifically because of the improbability of getting through to such a ridiculous man, but I just couldn’t resist that giant link. I think my boyfriend signed it already. That’s two more soldiers in your army. Shine on, you crazy diamond!