So I finally got the chance to see Postal, a quest made extraordinarily difficult by the fact that it was in virtually no theatres at all, something that at last report Herr Doktor Uwe Boll was still frantically suing Billy Zane and his distribution company about and doubly compounded by the fact that, from the moment it was released, it was immediately shoved into the “long wait” category of Netflix and wasn’t even in video stores.  Though I’ll admit my neighborhood Movie Gallery is not what you’d call top of the food chain, but they usually manage to get in the low-budget direct to video stuff without incident.

Anyway, I managed to get my copy–more on the actual movie later–but first, I’d like to address a lovely portion of the DVD extras entitled “Verne Troyer Clip”.

Now, as many of you are aware, Verne Troyer actually grew up within fifty miles of me, in a little town called Centreville, Michigan.  Centreville has honored Troyer with at least two roadside plaques out at the village limits declaring itself to be Troyer’s hometown. The first one was stolen or vandalized, I can’t remember which offhand, and all of which sort of makes you think twice about the whole “moving to the country” concept.

Of course, it’s sort of a dubious honor these days, given that Troyer’s career has rapidly fallen since his time in the Austin Powers franchise, and most news items about him these days involve the lousy movies he’s in (The Love Guru and Postal itself, among others), his drunken shenanigans, or his sex tape.  Yes, he had a sex tape.

But anyway…this particular clip featured Verne Troyer in full Indiana Jones-esque regalia, announcing in the fullest Uwe Boll-esque arrogance that they would DESTROY Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  Boll echoed this sentiment about the same time with what sure looked like the fullest confidence.

Now, for the fun portion of the evening: The Box Score.  All numbers courtesy of the IMDB.

Postal: Just shy of a hundred and forty grand US.  Most scores kept in Euros (a conversion rate of 1.4273 was applied) and no data on US releases.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: About three hundred and sixteen million US.

Now…just for double bonus fun time, Indy took home roughly twenty two hundred fifty dollars for every ONE Uwe Boll’s newest slopfest managed to generate.

Basically, Herr Doktor, you got your ass kicked about two thousand times over.  And i’m going to let that speak for itself.

Tags: pop culture, life, recreation

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