Of Wooly Mammoths and Giant Chickens
By now, every blogger on this world wide web of ours has covered 10,000 B.C. I hereby reluctantly join their ranks. I’ve put it off long enough; it’s time.
10,000 B.C. is the latest historical epic in the vein of Apocalypto, which nobody cared about either. In the world of film, 10,000 B.C. is pretty much no-count, but it’s almost guaranteed to attract the great unwashed masses. People who show up to the theater on a Friday night with no particular movie in mind will go for it. It looks so deliciously…epic.
Roland Emmerich, the hit-or-miss director of both The Patriot and The Day After Tomorrow, is helming this one. That pretty much guarantees it will either make billions or fail miserably, and most critics are predicting the former.
The “plot” involves a mammoth hunter who goes on a fantastic voyage to save his tribe, et cetera, rescue his love, et cetera, sabre-tooth tigers. With the possible exception of certain History Channel specials, no one has attempted a production on this scale covering this particular year in pre-history.
Early photos indicate that Camilla Belle as Evolet, like most “prehistoric” movie women, is clearly wearing eyeliner.
We’re in for a treat.
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You know…they did, technically, have cosmetics as far back as Egypt. It’s not SO out of line for cavewomen to wear eyeliner.
But if cave paintings are any indication, they didn’t really resemble Mary Kay much.
This is true. But that implies two separate divergences–one, cave paintings are rudimentary at best. They barely look like stick figures let alone actual people: for all we know from cave paintings they all had burn scars over ninety percent of their bodies. Two, okay, granted–there’s a huge amount of development between kohl and maybelline, but most makeup professionals today really aren’t trained in early human makeup techniques, so they’ve got to make do with what they have.