Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space. It’s well-known as the one of the most ineptly made movies of all time, and holds the dubious distinction of never having been featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000. The show basically existed to make fun of movies exactly like Plan 9, but the creators have explained many times that they just don’t want to touch the legend. It’s so perfectly, deliciously bad. They couldn’t possibly add to it.

Everyone knows the stories behind it. How poor Bela Lugosi died during filming, and had to be replaced by Mrs. Wood’s chiropractor (who resembled him from the eyes up, but was unfortunately several feet taller). You’d have to be legally blind and sitting several hundred feet away from a twelve-inch screen not to notice that it was a different guy. The way he oh-so-inconspicuously covers his face THE ENTIRE TIME he’s stalking around, terrorizing suburbia, doesn’t help.

Everything about the film is bad. The actors are nearly all bad, and the ones who aren’t bad are unbearably smug for some reason. The “flying saucer” looks like it was constructed out of hubcabs, and inexplicably turns into a large utility shed when it lands. (It also has a ladder glued flush to the outer wall, several feet off the ground. One can only presume it was a decorative choice, since it serves no useful purpose there.) Inside the ship are a bunch of vaguely science-looking gadgets, plus a dinner plate-sized knob for the door that takes MUCH longer to operate than, you know, a regular doorknob. Plus, it’s really not that close to the door. Apparently this race has evolved far beyond common sense.

Like every film of its ilk, it eventually turns into a clumsy moral lesson about THE BOMB. In short, it’s about as bad as you can imagine, and I haven’t even mentioned Tor Johnson, the plastic skeleton, or Vampira yet.

Naturally, a cleverly-named, self-described “cult film Madman,” John Johnson, has decided to remake Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Simply titled “Plan 9″, the remake will be a serious-minded retelling of the original story, paying homage to the spirit of Wood’s film without resorting to camp or parody. The film will focus on the horror and science fiction aspects of the original, but will also be largely character-driven. Johnson’s goal for “Plan 9″ is to make a film that honors not only the original source material, but also Ed Wood’s intentions when he made “Plan 9 From Outer Space”. Wood’s plan was to make a very scary sci-fi/horror film, and Johnson wishes to do exactly that – create a film that Wood would have enjoyed, or perhaps even made himself, if not bound by the technological limitations placed on filmmakers 50 years ago.

“Technological limitations,” huh? I really don’t think you can blame Ed Wood’s colossal failure as a filmmaker on “technological limitations,” but goshdarnit, I admire John Johnson’s spirit. He’s excited to announce that he has the blessing of the sole surviving member of (old) Plan 9’s cast and crew, Conrad Brooks.

Am I excited? Am I frightened? I’m both. And I have no right to take a moral high ground against John Johnson, since I want to remake The Touch of Satan someday. Shine on, you crazy…et cetera.

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