I truly, truly despise Miyazaki anime. Seriously, I do. It’s long, it’s rambling, and if there’s a message it only gets worse. Princess Mononoke is Miyazaki anime at its longest, most unfocused and most nonsensical worst.

I Got Reasons to Hate On The Miyazaki!

Okay, you probably want some reasons. No problem—I got a doozy for you right here. Dig this plot synopsis I found through the 2004 Martin and Porter DVD guide and tell me this isn’t a snooze from beginning to end: “A medieval Japanese prince slays a monster, but not before it passes on a fatal infection to him; the prince spends his remaining time questing for the monster’s origin.” Yeah. That’s it. Japanese prince wanders the woods trying to figure out what bit him. And it’ll take just over two hours and ten minutes for him to find it out, too. Not exactly a recipe for high adventure and rollicking humor, now is it?

And The Weird Part Is, Everybody Likes This Stuff

I have yet to see a bad review for Princess Mononoke outside of my own. What is it about this stuff that either I’m missing or everyone around me is so clueless that they didn’t catch? I’m bored to tears every time I sling one of his in—Spirited Away, Howl’s Moving Castle, Princess Scream-Myself-Into-Oblivion Mononoke…it’s like a matinee playbill from hell. But if you’re one of the many Miyazaki fans out there, then come on down and play some Princess Mononoke movie trivia on Kwanzoo today!

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