Movie Addicts. Celeb Dishers. Gamers. We're All Here.

It may be a sign of some logic getting introduced to Hollywood, or just a sign that the universe hates Lindsay Lohan almost as much as most of humanity, but Lindsay Lohan is, as of right now, no longer involved in the upcoming Manson Girls film.

Naturally, Lindsay Lohan had a ready excuse for why she’s no longer involved in the Manson Girls film–apparently, she just had SO MUCH going on that she needed to move along and, you know, do that stuff that was, apparently, calling. Or something like that.

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Again, the always charming Stacie Ponder has come back with a new and fresh look at the horror industry, and once again, she’s got a list. The lady knows her horror, no doubt, so when she came out with a list for the best horror films for each month of the year, my interest was piqued.

And for the most part, I actually found myself agreeing with her. Oh sure, it’s next to impossible to find an actual horror movie for Thanksgiving (the fact that she found one is even scarier than the film she found!). But this wouldn’t be much of a blog entry if I didn’t swing in and do a little Monday-morning quarterbacking on Stacie Ponder’s fantastic list. So off I go!

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Now I’m getting scared.

Really scared—check out this quote about David, an upcoming film “inspired by true events”:

“I wanted to bring horror back to it’s roots like horror in the 70’s when they set out to really scare you psychologically. David is a cross between The Amityville horror and The Changeling. This isn’t the going to be the typical MTV style of horror of today with lots of quick cuts and loud noises to make the audience jump. David is all about slowly building the suspense factor then climaxing to a really disturbing final act. It’s the kind of story that burrows deep under your skin and stays with you long after you left the theater”.

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Thank you, Blockbuster Video. Thank you for sheltering our fragile little minds from events and depictions that just might warp them. Thank you for being parent, guardian, and Big Brother to legally emancipated adults over the age of eighteen who SHOULD be able to watch whatever they damn well please, you miserable sons of—-

Oh! Hi! Didn’t see you there. Well, you came in on sort of the back end of the party, so let me fill you in on why I’m screaming vitriolic fury at Blockbuster Video this week.

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You’ve got to love Stacie Ponder…one of AMC Monsterfest’s biggest new voices keeps pumping out the interesting stuff, and this time, she’s got a great piece on some of the great closing lines. From Halloween’s “It was the Boogeyman” to Friday the 13th’s “He’s still out there!”, there’s lots of good ones on her list, even some slightly lesser known stuff like Session 9.

But of course, I’m not just here to kiss Stacie Ponder’s tukhus—I think she’s missed a couple good ones, and so, I’m going to be nice enough to fill in her list, and cover her catastrophic losses.

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Perhaps the biggest new egomaniac in Hollywood is Darren “Dead-Horse-Beater” Bousman, the man whose career would be virtually nonexistent without the Saw franchise.

As you may know by now, Bousman’s newest project—which defies all logic by involving Paris Hilton in a singing role—is called “Repo: The Genetic Opera”, and is garnering all sorts of strange and baffling testimonials, especially from people involved in it. This of course isn’t what you’d call a real bell-ringer in terms of quality, and perhaps worse yet is Bousman’s own evaluation of the work, including: [Read more →]

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Join me! Join me in the hilarious fun that is Herr Doktor Uwe Boll’s career!

You’re not going to believe what this guy’s doing now—he’s apparently sued actor Billy Zane, whose career is pretty well minimal too, for a reason so preposterous that it’s beyond all logic and reason. He’s suing Billy because Bloodrayne flopped.

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By now, most of us are probably familiar with Jason Voorhees, legendary badass teenybopper-chopper and terror of the great outdoors. He’s been called everything from a crusty little kid to a walking morality play and everything in between.

But one thing you have to say about Jason Voorhees is that his history is complex, deep, and frequently contradictory, as was a similar observation from Stacie Ponder over at the AMC Monsterfest blog.

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There are days when I’m just totally convinced that Hollywood has the short-term memory of certain breeds of hamster. Following the summary demotion of Midnight Meat Train, part of Clive Barker’s Books of Blood series, from major theatrical release to direct-to-video sludge-pile comes the announcement that there will be FOUR MORE installments of the Books of Blood series.

Listed titles so far will include nigh-pedophiliac romp “The Madonna”, “The Book of Blood”, which will feature the mutilation of a pseudo-psychic by a series of ghosts who turn said pseudo-psychic into a living book by carving words into his flesh, a strange sort of Saw-knockoff (even though this likely came first) called “Dread”, and lastly, a truly incomprehensible Clive Barker masterwork called “Pig Blood Blues” apparently involving people who transfer their souls into pigs so they can live forever.

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Oh, this is just the news we needed to hear—apparently, Eli Roth has had enough of failing at making adult-focused horror films (even Cabin Fever got hijacked from him, that’s how bad it got), so now, he’s got a promise for us.

He’s going to start failing at making PG-13 horror films!

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