Sad, sad news this time around, folks…one of the first BRMs of our era—Big Rubbery Monsters for those of you what don’t habla—passed away at just after 12:15 Hawaii time on Thursday, February 21 at the VA Hospital in Honolulu.
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Meanwhile, just a few hundred nautical miles down from China, who’s just banned all horror movies from their shores except for the millions of pirated copies being sold on the street, the Australians go way too far the other way.
A official of the Australian government recently put on a movie night for some underage sex offenders—some as young as fifteen years old–at a juvenile detention center, naturally at taxpayer expense. Okay, you might think…no real problem there. Maybe they were getting a reward for behaving properly or something. Well, it’s not really a problem until you hear what movie they were watching.
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Sometimes the strangest things come from pairing things that maybe shouldn’t be paired. Who would’ve thought that peanut butter and chocolate could work well together? One is part of America’s favorite sandwich and the other is dessert. And don’t even get me started on the whole concept of the tur-duc-hen, a baffling combination of a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken. At least I think that’s how it goes–not what you’d call sane enough to really try hard and keep straight.
And in this topic, we get the upcoming indie thriller Black Death, which will feature a real tur-duc-hen of a cast including Lena Headey, star of Fox’s new series Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Sean Bean, Boromir himself from the various Lord of the Rings movies.
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The rumor mill went positively nuts over the idea of who was going to direct The Wolf Man. Some serious names got thrown around like so much pie at a Three Stooges film festival. John Landis was suggested, and someone else threw out Frank Darabont, and before you know it out of a clear blue sky dropped Brett Ratner of all things!
It’s Official!
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So by now you’ve all had a chance to read my truly engrossing article on Robert Englund ditching Freddy Krueger, and you’re probably still shaken up. You might be wondering exactly why he wasn’t coming back. Well, I’ve got a reason for you! Brace yourself–he’s gone directing!
This Is Not The First Time, Either.
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Here’s one for the Bucking the Trend department, and man, is it ever a doozy. You know that movie The Eye? The one remade from a Pang Brothers movie (I still think “Oxide” is an unnecessarily goofy name) and starring Jessica Alba? Well, it took number one at the box office recently–not that the competition was any great shakes, it beat Rambo and Meet the Spartans. That’s like beating a chimp with no thumbs at croquet.
But the part that’ll get you is, the writers and directors have absolutely zero interest in doing a sequel. In fact, they’re planning their next movie already!
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So the rumor machine is still rolling hot and fast on Saw V—even though some rumors are still present that there will be no Saw V this year at all—and the newest batch says that some casting has taken place.
And the casting will leave you so baffled you’ll need to lay down.
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There are some films that just beg for a remake. A lot of older horror movies, for example - some of them hampered by a low budget and bad special effects - would benefit from a modern re-imagining. It sounds like a good idea, of course, but very few of the modern horror remakes have been any good. It’s the thought that counts, I guess.
One concept I don’t understand at all is the planned reboot of Nightmare on Elm Street. I can understand what clicked in Rob Zombie’s head when he sat and watched Halloween - the lack of explanation for Michael Myers, which unfortunately was part of what made him scary, seemed like a good opportunity for a reboot. What is it about Elm Street that doesn’t satisfy? It’s corny, it’s a scream-fest, and the franchise ran strong through the 80’s and 90’s. What’s missing? What could a reboot possibly add?
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This next thing I’m about to tell you folks is actually pretty big. Paul Thomas Anderson, the guy who did Boogie Nights and There Will Be Blood, amongst a host of others, is actually considering doing a horror movie for his next title.
Mixed Reactions
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I am now officially convinced that I am some kind of avatar from the future or some such…because frankly, what I say just inevitably seems to happen.
Remember When I Was Complaining About Originality? Well, Not So Much Now.
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