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Our latest interview is with screenwriter Phyllis Heltay, who’s currently got scripts in pre-production -  one with Cult Classic Films and one with the producers of Battlestar Galactica. Cool. Somehow, she’s still found the time to sit and talk with us about movies, the craft of writing, and what it’s like being a woman In The Industry.

Kwanzoo: First, thanks for taking the time to talk with us. Can you tell me a little about yourself and how you got into the business of screenwriting?

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And the non-news tradition continues in the movie arm of Kwanzoo–the new release Bangkok Dangerous pulled in a measly seven point eight million dollars this weekend to take the number one slot.

This is, of course, a really, really bad sign for studios when even an action movie with Nic Cage can’t drum up interest.  This was just another weekend in September.  You may remember that last week’s figures were pretty dismal, what with Labor Day and Hurricane Gustav taking a run at the Big Easy and all, but this weekend had no such onus on it.  In fact, nothing really separates this weekend from any other.

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No, it’s not April 1st. I promise.

After decades of speculation about a possible threequel to the beloved ’80s comedy, especially since the development of the upcoming video game, it’s suddenly, finally happening. Fans are still in shock, and nobody knows quite what to think. Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, co-writers/executive producers on The Office, are writing the script, which will (supposedly) bring together the original cast of Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson.

How did this happen?

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So I finally got the chance to see Postal, a quest made extraordinarily difficult by the fact that it was in virtually no theatres at all, something that at last report Herr Doktor Uwe Boll was still frantically suing Billy Zane and his distribution company about and doubly compounded by the fact that, from the moment it was released, it was immediately shoved into the “long wait” category of Netflix and wasn’t even in video stores.  Though I’ll admit my neighborhood Movie Gallery is not what you’d call top of the food chain, but they usually manage to get in the low-budget direct to video stuff without incident.

Anyway, I managed to get my copy–more on the actual movie later–but first, I’d like to address a lovely portion of the DVD extras entitled “Verne Troyer Clip”.

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Frankly, I say you’ve got it coming.

And no, not because of the whole World War II nastiness–I think we’re all kind of at peace with that.  No, I’m talking about your latest crime against filmgoers everywhere…Herr Doktor Uwe Boll.  But I won’t be talking about the horrible, horrible misery that is the career of Herr Doktor, I’ll be talk about the payback Hollywood will be getting on you for inflicting that godawful waste on us.

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Oh wow.  Seriously, wow.  I’m just all kinds of enthusiastic about this next bit of news, kids, as it features one of my personal fave actors who you never want to be around, Sam Neill.

See, in movies involving Sam Neill, like, say, Jurassic Park, supporting characters have a way of…well…dying.  While Sam Neill himself generally plays the guy who gets out in one piece, not even his love interests can say the same.  Event Horizon, Snow White: A Tale of Terror, In the Mouth of Madness–all of them have featured Sam Neill and a whole lot of bodies piling up around him.  When the guy can actually put Damien from “The Omen” on the list of characters he’s played (It’s true–he was Damien in The Omen 3), you know this isn’t a guy you want to be around if you’re in a horror movie.

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I really couldn’t believe it when I first heard about it, but more and more confirmation emerges that J.J. Abrams, the guy who brought us Slusho Cheese Cloverfield, is really planning to handle Stephen King’s bloated epic The Dark Tower.

I tried getting into the Dark Tower series, and even as a guy who read lots of Stephen King books and saw lots of Stephen King movies and even counts as one of his great childhood memories the post-Easter Stephen King miniseries on ABC, that’s saying something.  Something was just sort of off with it–maybe I had a hard time handling the psuedo-Gothic western or just didn’t like Roland the Gunslinger much back then, I don’t know.

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I’ll preface my remarks today by wishing, fervently, that a mob with pitchforks and torches storms the headquarters of both the RIAA and the MPAA, because I’m getting sick of the both of them meddling in things like entertainment, free speech, and artistic license.  I’m getting sick of their heavy-handed, lawsuit-happy tactics of banning anything they personally disapprove of and not allowing audiences to view actual movies unless they’ve personally signed off on them.

That having been said, I’m actually feeling bad for Kevin Smith, whose upcoming “Zack And Miri Make A Porno” is already crimpling the wigs of the priggish bluenoses at the MPAA, who have banned the first poster. In an interesting twist, however, Canada has allowed this same poster to be released freely.

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As you (should) know, Bond 22, Quantum of Solace, is coming out this November 14th. In honor of this momentous occasion, I have decided to spend a little time each week digging into my James Bond DVD collection and talking about the best and worst of the series up until now. I also like to compare the movies to the source material, when it exists. I find all of this very entertaining, but if you don’t, the scroll button is still right over there. >>>>>

I hadn’t watched You Only Live Twice in many years, and I’d forgotten large portions of it. Now, having seen it again, I realize why: large portions of it are really boring.

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All right!  Some good remake news for a change, folks, as original Child’s Play creator Don Mancini announces that there’s going to be a remake of Child’s Play, and they’re going back to the old formula of scary over funny.

Okay, so maybe it’s a matter of personal taste whether Child’s Play was actually scary or not.  I actually found a few good scares in it myself because you’ve got that little doll who can hide so easily in just about any environment it likes and lunge out at you with sharp and pointy or some kind of strangulation device.  Plus it moves fast, presents an extremely small target, and is driven by the mind of a serial killer.  You add that up and you’ve got a nasty little package ready to wind up and start killing.

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