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For the longest time, we’ve all been somewhat in the dark as to what Sam Raimi’s Drag Me To Hell, his first original horror film since Army of Darkness, was going to be about.  Oh, sure, we were all looking forward to it regardless of what it was going to be about because we’ve got a whole lot of faith in the man not to botch things beyond all recognition.  That and most of us are STILL quoting from Army of Darkness—aren’t we, Mister Fancy Pants?

But now we’ve got word on the plot! And it’s a doozy, too—think Stephen King’s Thinner, except the gypsy is denied a loan instead of getting run over by a car.  Man, you’d never think those gypsies were so DANGEROUS!

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It probably won’t come as much of a surprise to anyone that Ghost House, Sam Raimi’s production company, is looking to flood the direct-to-video market with its own special brand of horror titles. And when I say flood, I mean it—Ghost House Underground is projecting to release twelve to twenty movies over the course of a year, starting in October of 2008, aided and abetted by companies Grindstone and distributor Lions Gate.

What I love about this is that finally, someone gets it. Check out what Rob Tapert of Ghost House had to say about the direct to video market:

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It’s looking more and more like Ellen Page pulled a truly stupid move by dropping out of Sam Raimi’s upcoming Drag Me To Hell. Justin Long’s joining gave it a little dose of star power, but the big hit just showed up recently.

Jessica Lucas.

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So Sam Raimi’s been a busy, busy boy these days. Not only was he responsible for possibly destroying one of the greatest superhero franchises to date—did anyone actually enjoy Spider-Man 3 or did we all just go for the sake of going?—but he’s also getting a couple movies together. You all know about Drag Me To Hell by now, but let me also surprise you with a little bit of upcoming Sam Raimi joy in the form of Monster Zoo. Paramount Pictures preemptively seized the rights to Monster Zoo, a graphic novel from Doug TenNaple that’s being published in May by no less than Image Comics.

Plotwise, it’s easy enough—an ancient idol is unearthed and sent to a zoo in the United States, where the caged animals become horribly mutated via the spirit in the idol. A bunch of teenagers must restore the animals, and by extension, keep the evil in the idol from destroying the planet. Because you know it’s always teenagers who have to save the world when this sort of thing goes down.

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Things only get more amazing from Sam Raimi—the guy’s got two movies in the making and now he’s branching out even further to get into television.

Now, you might be concerned. Horror on television—especially on network television, and this one’s going to the CW, that horrible mutant offspring of the WB and UPN—has never been all that great. It’s so harshly edited that, frequently, the plot comes under jeopardy. But this time it might be different. You see, Sam Raimi, genius behind the Evil Dead series and madman behind Spider-Man, is doing a horror-themed REALITY SHOW.

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Good things often come in packages of three. The trilogy is the perfect way to parse a long story; there is the call to adventure, the journey, then the climax/journey home. The trilogy is a great way to express mythic structure. And that’s why good things come in threes.

Unfortunately, so do bad things.

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So it’s clear that Sam Raimi is not the type to let grass grow under his feet. He just lost Ellen Page from his upcoming Drag Me To Hell feature, but he made a couple of replacements! He’s got Alison Lohman to—most likely, it’s not like anyone was real clear about who was doing what at this stage of the game–take over for Ellen Page, but there’s something even better afoot. And just guess who he got?

Justin Long! Yeah, that spindly kid from Dodgeball—he’s going to be in Sam Raimi’s Drag Me To Hell! I can’t imagine him in any kind of hero role…and a villain is even less likely. He projects all the menace of a wet dishrag, and all the heroism of a warm fish.

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With little Ellen Page being the hottest commodity on the young Hollywood market today, it was a little surprising when news leaked that Sam Raimi had nabbed her for his newest film. Sure, Raimi has a certain amount of pull, but he’s essentially a cult figure, and the entire world was utterly disgusted with Spider-Man 3. With Page in the position to take any part she wanted, why this? Why now?

Raimi’s return to horror, Drag Me to Hell, was listed as one of Page’s upcoming projects, along with the Drew Barrymore-directed Whip It. Quite the mismatched pair, to be sure, and many speculated on precisely what kind of Hell we were in for.

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By now, you’ve probably heard that Juno’s Ellen Page is slated to star in a passel of new movies, including Whip It, Smart People, and now, Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell.

Yes, apparently, he’s come back to horror after 15 years. Which, if you felt the same way I did about Spider-Mans 2 and 3, is a relief. Ellen Page seems like a really, really unlikely choice - but maybe that’s exactly what a horror movie needs, and exactly what’s made Sam Raimi such a cult favorite.

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Seemingly out of nowhere comes the news that there’s a sequel to Sam Raimi’s The Messengers, slated to go straight to DVD on the order of somewhat soon.

Me and Adam Sessler - We’re Of Two Minds About This Sort of Thing.

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