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Gonna fly nooooooow….gonna fly nooooooow….

If you can already hear the strains of “Dun da da dun da da dun da da dun”, then you know we’re talking Rocky today, perhaps an American icon in his own right, and in every sense of the term.

Rocky: A Contender From Out of Nowhere

When Rocky first came out, audiences couldn’t help but love the scrappy young underdog looking to push his way to the top of the boxing ranks. How can you not? He’s an inspirational figure, training hard, working hard, fighting hard and desperate to make something of himself. He was a painfully shy figure who wanted nothing so much as to “go the distance” against the current champ.

And Sylvester Stallone portrayed him with nothing short of mastery, turning Rocky Balboa into a name to invoke, taking him all the way through to Rocky V. For better, for worse, and sometimes just for propaganda–it’s no coincidence Rocky IV had Rocky fight a Russian powerhouse trained by computer during the height of the Cold War years–the series ended on a suitably subtle note, with Rocky facing financial ruin at the unintentional hands of brother-in-law Paulie.

Rocky Balboa: A Contender Who Should Have Stayed Home

And then, in a move that truly hijacks the franchise for any of a number of possible reasons–greed, financial hardship, sheer raw ego–Stallone brought back Rocky Balboa for another go in the ring.

Aging–badly–and looking every inch of his sixty years, for some reason, Stallone thought a man old enough to qualify for AARP benefits would make a decent fighter. Well, at least it’s not as outlandish as him doing Rambo again. Oh…wait. He is doing Rambo again. Wow…that just blows holes in that.

I don’t know what he was thinking, digging up these old fossils and trying to inject new life into them roughly seventeen years after the last Rocky ended–I mean, maybe he could’ve got away with “Hey, it’s the thirtieth anniversary of Rocky! Why shouldn’t I bring it back?”, but what does he trot out? Check this out:

“Struggles and triumphs in recent times.” Wow. The pretention meter is currently pegging and if it gets much thicker in here the needle’s gonna snap clean off and embed itself in the side wall.

But if you want to see if you can go the distance, take a jab at our Rocky movie trivia questions.

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