Selma Blair Would Rather You Not Have a Career, Thanks.
I’ve heard a lot of preposterous nonsense spewed forth from the mouths of celebrities. This might explain why, despite my sheer genius and conversational skill, I am not yet one myself. Only a celebrity can be so relentlessly irrational as to hawk the need for reducing one’s carbon footprint from the depths of a private jet during an era of crippling job losses and mortgage default.
And only a celebrity like Hellboy’s Selma Blair can be so irrational as to say this:
“I wish they’d move back to where they came from in the Midwest or some place. I don’t want to see them on billboards or in magazines. It’s heartbreaking. I’m very sensitive, and it’s hard for me.”
Apparently, Selma Blair wants her ex-boyfriends to stop appearing in magazines and on television and whatnot, because she’s SO VERY SENSITIVE that she can’t stand to see them after they’ve broken up.
Seriously, now. Let that sink in. She wants the careers of all her exes to just sort of dry up and blow away. She wants to take food out of the mouths of their children (if they have any) rather than subject herself to the crippling angst of ACCIDENTALLY SEEING THEIR FACES IN PRINT. I’ll spare you the snarky fake cries of “Boo hoo. Boo hoo hoo.” because the sheer amount of hubris involved in making a suggestion like this just boggles the mind.
Hi, Selma? Mister Reality left me a message to pass on to you–he wanted to be here himself to give you one of his famous checks, but his car wouldn’t start. Anyway, the message:
YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT.
Your “sensitivity” notwithstanding, to actually wish all your ex-boyfriends would move across the country and permanently shun any kind of public appearance because YOU MIGHT BE HURT BY THE MEREST SIGHT OF THEM is just appalling. Seriously. I’ve heard some self-centered, self-righteous celebrity drivel in my day but you’re well on your way to being the new high water mark, you spectacular moron.
Boy, nothing like a good celebrity read to angry up the blood, huh? Let’s all just take a deep breath, go calm down and play some Hellboy trivia. That’ll make us all feel better.
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I’m pretty sure it was a joke.
Nothing I saw in the article suggested that, Liz. Any kind of proof to back up your thought?
Why yes, let me just refer to this signed affidavit from Ms. Blair -
Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I can’t prove how she thinks or feels. Even she can’t do that. If you choose to believe that she actually, truly wishes her ex-boyfriends to disappear from Hollywood for her own personal comfort, and that she would admit to that in an interview, then go nuts. I’m just throwing my two cents into the mix.
In the same interview, she also said she was the “flattest woman in Hollywood,” and there is also no indication that she was chuckling while she said it. But I’d be willing to bet that she was.
I’m not out to be ridiculous. You might’ve spotted something I missed, maybe from another interview where somebody says “she said with a chuckle” or something. It’s entirely possible to have at least reasonable evidence suggesting how someone actually feels. And all I’ve got says she actually MEANS it.
What a self obsessed moron. Selma Blair is a nobody.
I feel like Selma Blair is kind of like the Molson Canadian Beer of chicks. You know she’s out there, or in the back of the fridge, but you don’t really care. What I’m saying is I’d clearly nail her but I would not be all that excited about it. I’m guessing when she’s naked she looks like a hairless British school boy. Enjoy her flat chest until something better comes along!
selma blair is sarcastic. i know for a fact, she only wants the best for anyone who was ever in her life. she is the least self absorbed actress there is. If it makes you feel better to attack her, go for it.
Selma–rather, OTHER selma—it’s pretty low to come out and say something like that, that’s for sure. And Champ, if you ever did actually nail her, make sure you never break up with her then show up in a magazine. It would kill her. Matt–well, I’m sorry, man, but I don’t know her personally like you apparently do, so I have to go off the things she says. It’s not like I’m misinterpreting either her quote or the context it’s in. That is what she said. Whether she MEANT it or not, that’s another issue. And if you want to defend her in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, go for it.
What, exactly, is this “overwhelming evidence to the contrary” that you speak of? She said something, it’s up to the reader to interpret whether it was said seriously or not. She’s either an egomaniac, or she was just kidding around. You are the one who’s picked the unlikely interpretation.
Oh no, Liz, not at all. I’m not picking an interpretation at all. I’m simply going on what she said. If she meant something different, then shouldn’t she have SAID as much? She didn’t. Which means she expects to be taken seriously, and she expects what she SAID to be taken seriously. If she WAS just kidding around, there would be a way to determine it, such as the inclusion of phrases like “I’m just kidding around”. This is common usage of English, Liz–I’d figure a strict grammarian like yourself would understand that words mean what they are commonly acknowledged to mean unless abrogated by further explanation. WHICH THIS WAS NOT. All caps there are for emphasis.
That excuse only works if you’re an android who cannot comprehend sarcasm.
Oh come on, Liz…I’ve argued with you before. You can do WAY better than strawmen and namecalling.
You’re grasping at straws and you know it, so I’m going to short-circuit this little mess right here. You go to the article I linked to, and if you can present even ONE IOTA of evidence that supports your claim that she’s just kidding around, having fun, being sarcastic, being in any way shape or form less than purely literal, you bring it back here.
All you have is the idlest of conjecture. I have print verbatim.
Oh, Steve. Steve Steve Steve. You are being so silly. You know I can’t prove it so you keep asking for proof. It is MY OPINION that she is being sarcastic, an opinion I can only support with common sense. You don’t have to agree with it if you don’t want to, but please stop taking the moral high ground just because you have OMG A QUOTE. People say things they don’t mean all the time. If they didn’t we would live in a very boring world.