I love—LOVE!—how aging action heroes can exist in their own little world. A little world where stuff they did in the eighties is suddenly vital and relevant again, and where human growth hormone is definitely not illegal!

This is exactly the case that poor, poor Sylvester Stallone just walked into. It seems he, like most of professional baseball and unlike the federal government, thinks that human growth hormone, or HGH, will be in ten years in over the counter common use around the United States. And thus, it should be usable right now despite the clear and present problem that every drop of it is illegal to possess sans prescription.

Way To Be A Role Model, Sly.

Which made it all the more poignant when officials ignored Mister Stallone’s celebrity and busted his ass for possession.

I guess we were all probably wondering just how Stallone managed to get quite so thoroughly ripped in time to play Rambo once again, and now I guess we have our answer: illegal drugs. Somehow I’m disappointed—back in my day, Rambo was kind of a role model of sorts. You know, work hard, grow up big and strong, kill every Communist you see, America first, all that sort of thing. He was a larger than life, garish primary color black and white figure that kids identified with more than most cared to admit at the time. We used to PLAY Rambo back in my day!

And the thought of Rambo sucking down illegal drugs just fills me with a cold shame.

Stallone’s geriatric pie-in-the-sky rantings aside, HGH is very very illegal here in the States as well as in Australia where he was busted with them. And all I can do is shake my head in that sorrow and, yes, pity as the great Hollywood machine eats up yet another former hero. Every time I look at him now, all I’m going to be able to think is “drugs”.

And if you’d rather get the bad taste out of your mouth, then there’s plenty of other action heroes on the action movie trivia at Kwanzoo.

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