If you believe everything George Lucas has said about the Star Wars series, then I have a bridge I’d like to sell you.

Look, I think we all respect the man for creating one of the most beloved, successful, and inspiring sci-fi franchises ever. But when he starts “improving” on his original work, which includes replacing beloved actors and adding or removing characters as he pleases, it’s time to start seriously questioning his authority. Then he starts trying to tell us that he knew the whole story all along, and that it was carefully planned out, instead of slapped together after he realized he could cash in.

George Lucas has betrayed our trust. Ladies and gentlemen, he has lied to us.

How? Bear with me.

1. Han shot first.
This infamous incident, which takes place in A New Hope, angered fans around the world when the digitally “improved” release came out. Instead of Han shooting the lizard-like bounty hunter Greedo by surprise, Greedo first attempts to shoot Han - at point-blank range - and misses. What kind of bounty hunter could he possibly be? Lucas clearly wanted to create a kinder, gentler Han by giving him a clear reason for shooting Greedo, but…come on. Lucas finally corrected this cardinal sin by releasing DVDs of the unretouched films, but that will never wash away the stain on his soul. Not after he put Hayden Christensen in Return of the Jedi. (Oh, and to make matters worse, Lucas was actually spotted wearing a “Han Shot First” T-shirt. Yes, he was. No, I’m not making that up.)

2. Here’s to incest!
George Lucas claims he knew all along that Luke and Leia were sisters. And they kissed in A New Hope. Logical conclusion: either Lucas is a liar, or he is a pervert. I couldn’t possibly judge.

3. Bring money.
Under the guise of showing the films “as they were meant to be,” Lucas has re-re-re-re-released them too many times for anyone but a rabid fan to count. Referring to #2 above, he attempted to correct the Han/Greedo scene not once, but TWICE, before releasing the original version. Is he an intense perfectionist, or does he just want to make lots and lots of money to roll around in while laughing maniacally? We report, you decide.

Maybe George Lucas just takes this whole thing too seriously. Would it really damage his reputation if he admitted to changing some things, forgetting some things, and making a few mistakes? He seems to think so. George, it’s okay. Be honest with us. We won’t bite. And all you Star Wars fans, let’s head on over for some Star Wars movie trivia now!

Popularity: 2% [?]

Categories: Movie stories //