That’s right, ladies–you too can start a career of toplessness and fake blood as you vie for a role in an “upcoming Lions Gate film” on VH1!

Okay, right off, there’s at least three things wrong with what I just typed up there. One, you’ve got about one chance in three that you’ll wind up in a good Lions Gate film role. Chances are much more likely you’ll be working with Ulli “I Hate Horror Films and Horror Film Audiences” Lommel. Two, the fact that you’ll be doing this vying on VH1, home of Verne Troyer pissing on anything that looks like a plant (the irony is, his hometown has this HUGE sign with his face on it welcoming you to it, and they don’t even vaguely care that by several reports he’s a raging drunk and marginal psychopath) and yet another round of Flava Flav attempting to “find love”

Three, scream queens don’t necessarily need to go topless. Sometimes full frontal nudity is the way to go. But I digress. Slated to begin showing around Halloween, Scream Queens (yes, of COURSE that’s the title. So very original.) will take ten “unknown” actresses and run them through a series of challenges. Judging will be done by an as-yet-unnamed director from Lions Gate’s roster.

And if it’s Ulli Lommel, I WILL shoot my television set in sheer rage.

I can’t say that I’m surprised to see this–horror themed television is getting something of a revival these days, probably because horror filmmaking is just nightmarishly popular. With a new horror movie released to video or in theatres almost daily on average, there’s a whole lot to see, and many of them are not the least bit entertaining. But the love for the genre is definitely there–in spades is it there!–and so, look for the networks to desperately exploit you–I mean it. Wait…I DO mean you. Just mostly by extension.

And to show you what we’re all here for–and where the lucky scream queen who comes out on top will end up, try the horror movie trivia on Kwanzoo.

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