Seriously, he does. Man, this is a monster–if you have the winning bid on eBay, Tom Hanks has a walk-on role waiting for you in The Taming of the Shrew alongside his wife, Rita Wilson. But it doesn’t end there, no sir–or ma’am, as the case may be.

You’ll also win:

A pass to an after party featuring Zach Braff of Scrubs fame, along with big names like Annette Bening, William Shatner, Tim Allen, Christina Applegate, David Schwimmer and Sean Astin.

A personalized message for your answering machine from Hanks himself.

Okay, sure, the after-party mingling with fairly big stars is a draw, but man, think about the answering machine message. You could have Tom Hanks screaming about Wilson on your answering machine. How freaky is THAT?

WILSON!! WILSON!! I’M SORRY I WASN’T HOME TO TAKE YOUR CALL! WILSON!! LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP! WILSON!!

Now THAT…is a dose of the surreal life.

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