I want to know.  Really.  So I can find them and pitch them, because clearly, they are more desperate for projects than even Vijay, the World’s Most Desperate Venture Capitalist from the Dilbert strips.

Of course, I dislike Rob Zombie’s music.  Each song sounds very much like the one that preceded it, and each song sounds exactly like the same thing–a rest home choir in mid-song having a huge simultaneous stroke and then sped up and set to death metal guitar.  The sheer, loud, mushmouthed incomprehensibility of it all is utterly beyond me.

And then, apparently deciding that music wasn’t enough for Rob Zombie to ruin, he then set out to make some of the most godawful movies I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing.   House of 1000 Corpses is easily on my worst movies ever list, and that’s a pretty tough list to make what with Ulli Lommel and Joe Castro currenly occupying a whole bunch of slots.  But I have a special place in my heart–probably the part that’s stuffed with venom and metal shavings–for Rob Zombie’s mindless, stock-footage-laden, Texas Chainsaw Knockoff House of 1000 Corpses. 

The only upshot to Rob Zombie’s work is the performance of absolute horror genius Sid Haig, who, along with his wife / publicist Mama Spaulding, are a fantastic couple of people. 

Which is why, to my dismay, I found this poster on horror-movies.ca. 

You read that right–at least you better, because I can’t quote it here.  Let’s just say it’d be more accurate if it were “Tyrannosaurus Rex: 51 % Garbage, 49 % Steaming Pantload”.

No one apparently knows what the movie will be about just yet–probably not even Zombie himself–but early rumors suggest a biker, a wrestler, or possibly a bounty hunter.  The poster makes it pretty clear that there will be loads of gunplay and pointless violence, so the rest of the script is probably a moot point.

So in the end–points to take away.

1 I hate pretty much anything with Rob Zombie’s name attached to it.

2. I want to know who’s funding his movies because I bet they’d really love my Ben Franklin, Serial Killer script.  Nic Cage could handle the axe!

3. Sid Haig is a freaking genius and all around nice guy, and he could probably handle the axe too.

4, There are actually GOOD horror movies out there. Play their trivia at Kwanzoo.

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