Recently, horror buffs had one more reason to choke on their steadily mounting rage as NBC released a new spinoff cable network, Chiller.  It was thought, at least by some more optimistic horror buffs, that Chiller might well have represented a new and shining era in television, where we could watch horror movies around the clock! 

Oh, and before you ask?  No, I was NOT one of those poor delusional optimistic horror buffs.

In fact, those optimistic horror buffs forgot just two major points:

1. Network TV Takes Horror Movies And Neuters Them Like A Truck Full Of Male Pit Bull Puppies In Full Accordance With FCC Regulations That Were Designed To Protect Prize-Winning Veal.

2. There Are Almost No Good Syndicated Horror Television Shows.

And so, we’re left with Chiller, a pile of mangled movies and the very worst of crap TV.   Oh, sure, I haven’t seen an episode of Freddy’s Nightmares in years, but seriously…how much appeal can that possibly have?  Certainly not enough to justify the jump in the cable bill to lay hands on it, at least not from where I sit, and so I hope that it’s doomed. 

And I hope, right after Chiller dies, the FCC is completely disbanded and replaced with a monkey named Chim-Chim, so that we can actually watch horror movies without pixellation and editing.  At least, however, we can still play the horror movie trivia on Kwanzoo without fear of pixellation.

Tags: trivia, pop culture, life

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