I’ll preface my remarks today by wishing, fervently, that a mob with pitchforks and torches storms the headquarters of both the RIAA and the MPAA, because I’m getting sick of the both of them meddling in things like entertainment, free speech, and artistic license.  I’m getting sick of their heavy-handed, lawsuit-happy tactics of banning anything they personally disapprove of and not allowing audiences to view actual movies unless they’ve personally signed off on them.

That having been said, I’m actually feeling bad for Kevin Smith, whose upcoming “Zack And Miri Make A Porno” is already crimpling the wigs of the priggish bluenoses at the MPAA, who have banned the first poster. In an interesting twist, however, Canada has allowed this same poster to be released freely.

Looking at the Canadian version, which the MPAA will no doubt be gnashing their teeth at the knowledge of knowing that I can LOOK AT IT ONLINE ANY TIME I WANT YOU MISERABLE BASTARDS, I’m having a hard time seeing the problem that the downright Victorian morality of the MPAA seems to be having.

The MPAA’s claim is that the characters in the poster are engaging in something called “implied oral sex”.  I really don’t want to know how the MPAA’s twisted sanity cranked that one out–let’s face it, either you’re having it or you’re not–but what they’re basing this on is a long shot at best.  The poster is a splitscreen image of Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) standing side by side whilst a small patch of blonde hair appears somewhere in the neighborhood of crotch level with Zack.

This is, apparently, enough to make the MPAA believe that he’s getting head, because clearly, the MPAA has never seen a kindergarten class photo where kids are required to crouch or kneel in front of the back row to get everyone in the shot.  Yes, in the MPAA’s world of bizarre physics and 18th-century morality, it’s downright impossible for a woman (frankly, it can’t even be conclusively said that that IS a woman) cannot kneel or crouch directly in front of a man without performing a sex act.

We’ve known for years that these guys are complete loons…so I’m increasingly forced to wonder, why are we still allowing a collection of suited thugs to REGULATE our movies?  Just like with the FCC, kids, all we need to do is get some solid pro-movie people in office and tell these putzes to pack their bags.  Maybe Xenu’s not such a bad idea after all….

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